Memories are a weird thing. When do life experiences become memories and not current events? I was asked for a homework assignment to recall some of my own memories and it got me thinking not only about my past but about what memories mean. I grew very upset emotionally when recalling even happy memories because the fact that I will never again be in that wonderful moment. All I have left is to remember what it felt like to be so happy. I’m not saying that I’m not happy currently but I am saying that there is very little in my life that trumps the sheer joy of being a child. Anyway, this got me to thinking about when memories become memories. I have had great experiences within the past 3 or so years but I still catalogue these as current events, not as memories. Will remembering these times bring back as much nostalgia as remembering my childhood many years down the road? I guess I will have to wait and see.

Another thing that my memories got me thinking about is how do people enjoy their lives when they grew up siblingless? ALL of my memories revolve around my brother and the things we did. Okay, not all but I’d say about 95% of my memories are ones created with him. I have memories of independent times like reading my library books and I have family memories. But by far my favorite memories are the ones involving Scott. Life was and is so much more fun with him around which always provides for a good memory. But his lack of presence also provides for some bad memories. One of the things that I remembered were our family walks during the spring, summer, and fall. It was not the actual walks or the places we went that I remembered but the year that Scott stopped coming on those walks. I know now that he had just grown out of family time but I remember the hurt and personal rejection that I felt, as if his rejection of the walks was a direct rejection of me. It is those feelings that I remember on top of the feelings of acceptance (times when his friends weren’t around). I begin to wonder, how can happy memories be so sad? I guess that it’s part of being human.

Isn’t it funny how things that don’t seem important during their happening become some of your best memories. The every day experiences and the routines that you followed for summers on end. I guess it is our memories that separate each and everyone of us. Our memories are how we view the world because someone could have stood in the same location looking at the same thing at the same time but they could have internalized the event so completely different than you. I wonder what my brothers memories are and I wonder if any of them involve me.

That is all. Hopefully you all will all recall some great memories.